God is not one

finding this book that i am reading to be very enlightening. dialogue by the author describes the 8 major religions of the world. what he describes is not only the good but also the bad. the differences between religion _base_d on creed/doctrine or one _base_d on faith and hope. some folks follow the law others follow thier heart. this seems to be a major difference between some religions and others. for example muslims who interpret the Koran as literal would find it as right to shed blood for the name of god. however, the same holds true for those that would follow the old testement.
Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. christianity has a majority of dark skinned people as followers. so why would one depict jesus as a white guy on the cross rather than a latino or african? if you go to asia, more emphasis is put on how one lives one's life now rather than a thought of what life lie's following(salvation).

so many differnces and so much to learn and understand. i truly believe the best way is via introspection and commitment to growth.

Feeling alot of emotional wear today. negative thoughts and emotions stemming from change. struggling to find my way in this new location. working out of the house has proven to be not in my best interest. i was extremely effective for the first couple weeks here in NYC out of the house but i feel i am outgrowing this environment and lacking the routine of "suiting up".
i like the rythem of 6-8 days in Buffalo with the intention of simply meeeting clients and gettting the job done to go home. But i dont like the feeling that i am going home and losing some of the edge i had when i was super busy in Buffalo. i have not figured out the balance and am suffering internally from that struggle.
i need to find an office space to do my business and create here what i have there. this is the key for me i think. just planted my vision on paper over the next 6-12 months. i keep going back to this as i want to instill my vision in my mind and close the gap every day.
one of my main recurring themes is this financial life planning model. creating a new business model from this idea. it is so abstract that i often struggle to find the core.
went to city lights church with maria last night. hard christian core church. mostly young people. in grammercy theatre. was more like rock concert praising god. was not my _style_ of worship. maria and i got into a heated discussion/arguement on religion. my insecurities came out and i did something that i regret. i tryed to tackle her beliefs out of my own insecurities and dis-beliefs. we became closer after this and found peace. i opened up more around my dis-belief and challanged her. i told her i want answers and seek the truth. it is hard for me to trust "blind faith". i have to much hurt lingering to believe in something that has not physically offered me a hand. read to much that would prove otherwise and listened to to many people that are much smarter than i am. i believe in maria and i respect her beliefs. i also believe that our coincidental meeting was not just that. and the one thing that i do know is that i know nothing and have a long ways to go.