Feeling alot of emotional wear today. negative thoughts and emotions stemming from change. struggling to find my way in this new location. working out of the house has proven to be not in my best interest. i was extremely effective for the first couple weeks here in NYC out of the house but i feel i am outgrowing this environment and lacking the routine of "suiting up".
i like the rythem of 6-8 days in Buffalo with the intention of simply meeeting clients and gettting the job done to go home. But i dont like the feeling that i am going home and losing some of the edge i had when i was super busy in Buffalo. i have not figured out the balance and am suffering internally from that struggle.
i need to find an office space to do my business and create here what i have there. this is the key for me i think. just planted my vision on paper over the next 6-12 months. i keep going back to this as i want to instill my vision in my mind and close the gap every day.
one of my main recurring themes is this financial life planning model. creating a new business model from this idea. it is so abstract that i often struggle to find the core.
went to city lights church with maria last night. hard christian core church. mostly young people. in grammercy theatre. was more like rock concert praising god. was not my _style_ of worship. maria and i got into a heated discussion/arguement on religion. my insecurities came out and i did something that i regret. i tryed to tackle her beliefs out of my own insecurities and dis-beliefs. we became closer after this and found peace. i opened up more around my dis-belief and challanged her. i told her i want answers and seek the truth. it is hard for me to trust "blind faith". i have to much hurt lingering to believe in something that has not physically offered me a hand. read to much that would prove otherwise and listened to to many people that are much smarter than i am. i believe in maria and i respect her beliefs. i also believe that our coincidental meeting was not just that. and the one thing that i do know is that i know nothing and have a long ways to go.